Wednesday, May 4, 2011

{travel recap} san di-aaaahhhhh-go

I had a dream last night.

Not in the "I have a dream!" sense of the phrase, but more like the shock me awake and then lie there, wide-eyed, for 45 minutes type of dream.

There was this huge truck. A Dodge Ram, actually. It was towing a very, very full trailer. Not a car, horse or flatbed trailer, but one of those smallest-size-that-uHaul-offers sized guys. The only reason I could tell that the trailer was very, very full was because I was driving this humongous truck up a really, really, really steep hill. And we were struggling, definitely struggling. And I had this passenger... this really annoying passenger that kept telling me how ridiculous it was to try and tow this trailer, and drive this truck, up this gigantic hill.

But I kept driving. I dropped it into second and chugged up that damned hill. Because I knew the truck could do it. I knew that that bad-ass truck and the little ol' trailer could do it. Every time I felt like the incline was about to toss that truck backward, I just kept grinding up the hill. And you know what? As I was nearing the top, that annoying passenger bailed. Like, tuck and rolled out of that thing. And then that passenger, that annoying girl who just wouldn't shut up with the "why's?" and "this is a dumb idea"... she sat there, in the dirt. She sat in the rocks and watched as that Ram kept chugging, onward and upward, like Thomas the Tank Engine. And guess what?

The truck never reached the top. 

Wait, what? That's right. There was no end, no summit. There was no ceiling nor limits to how far I could tug that trailer.

And then I woke up.

So much of success is believing in yourself, in what you do. You have to believe that you are capable of doing more than what you think you can do. You believe in your mission, no matter what that mission may entail. So many of us are told constantly that we don't live up to our potential. That we don't, we didn't, we haven't, we aren't. And I ask them, what's with all the "n't"s?!

Three weeks ago, I had the fabulous opportunity to spend a week with the equally as fabulous Justin & Mary (and J2!). As I mentioned before, a lot of their workshop is focused on the why of it all. Why do we, as photographers, do what we do? Why photography? Why do you want to succeed? Why not? Why are you fearful? The list goes on and on and on. Always, always, ask "why?"

My dream last night is my why. I can't tell you how many times I've been told that I'm not living up to my potential, that I could do more, be more, succeed more. And you know what I tell those people? 

Screw you. 

This is what I do. This is what I love. I'm good at this. Edit that: I'm great at it. This is what I will succeed in, and I don't need you to tell me I could "do more" anymore. My "why" is because for the first time in a long time, I'm not miserable at the end of the day. I'm excited to "go" to work. I wake up, wide-eyed, in the middle of the night because I have ideas that I can't push out of my head - and thank God for that! I'm happy. I'm full of energy. I'm doing more, living more, loving more, and laughing more.

And you know what? Those "mores" I'll take.


{ps} That's right, it's an Anchorman reference. Live it, love it, embrace it.